Archive for March, 2011|Monthly archive page

Procrastination, Delusion & Denial

In Life Essays on March 7, 2011 at 2:34 pm

On the forums at harlequin.com there’s been some discussion on procrastination, which has rambled on to discussion on delusional thinking. I like this topic, and have decided to continue with it here.

The discussion was started when Cynthia asked if other writer’s self sabotaged with procrastination. This discussion has led to a new blog created by Elley Franco, that both Cynthia and I’ll be contributing to  http://fromfacttofiction.wordpress.com All of us are published non-fiction writer’s who are now working on fiction.

Elley read an article that said that successful marriages are often the product of delusional thinking, and suggested  that maybe as writer’s we should use this tool in our writing.

As I said in the forum, I absolutely agree about delusional thinking, in marriage and in writing….

Years ago as a young bride, I read the wedding and anniversaries page of our newspaper, and there was an article on how to make a marriage last where they interviewed couples who had been married for 50 years or more. The interview that stuck in my head was a husband who pretty much gave all of the credit for their marriage to his wife. He said that in the early years of their marriage, she had often “turned her head the other way” when he made mistakes. He was young, and hadn’t quite settled down, but apparently, she didn’t see the bad things (or at least didn’t acknowledge them) and eventually he grew up, and became a good husband….at least he thought so, and she stayed around.

Is that delusion or denial, I don’t know, but I suppose I use them both to have both a good marriage, and in my writing……and isn’t writing just creating a delusional world anyway?

I have a wonderful, devoted husband of 22 years. Have I turned my head the other way? Many times, since I don’t plan on leaving this usually works better than throwing things at him, which I do not admit to doing…..and sometimes the delusions, and even the reality work their way into my writing.

Those of you who know me know that I often advise denial and delusion as coping and survival skills, not just in marriage and writing, but in many other areas of life. Parenting (this should probably go to the top of the list) at this point my boys are all over 18, and they know that I am now on a “need to know” basis. If I don’t need to know, and can’t do anything about it, don’t tell me, leave me with my happy delusions of who my children are…cooking “I meant for that cake to be lopsided like that…in fact it’s called the ‘Drunken Mudslide Cake”  (well that’s what it’s called now anyway!!) dieting, I won’t get into this, it would be a whole article in itself, exercise, yes this goes back to procrastination, but often goes to delusion and even denial.

Yes, pretty much every aspect of life can be handled with the skillful use of procrastination, delusion and denial…..or at least you can easily delude yourself into thinking you’re skillful with these tools….and really, aren’t you the only one you need to delude??Drunken Mudslide Cake